Active Listening Examples: Phrases and Techniques That Work

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Most people think they’re good listeners. In practice, a lot of “listening” is waiting for a turn to talk, planning a reply, or quietly deciding whether the other person is right. Active listening is different. It’s a deliberate way of paying attention so the other person feels understood, and so you actually understand them.

The idea isn’t new. In 1957, psychologist Carl Rogers and Richard Farson published a paper called “Active Listening” that still shapes how managers, counselors, and teachers are trained today. Modern leadership programs, such as those at the Center for Creative Leadership, build on the same core ideas.

This guide explains what active listening is and then focuses on what most people actually need: concrete active listening examples, with phrases you can use at work and at home.

What Active Listening Means

Rogers and Farson argued that every message has two parts: the content and “the feeling or attitude underlying this content.” Active listening means paying attention to both, and then showing the speaker you’ve understood. Their paper groups the practice under three headings:

• Listen for total meaning. Understand what is being said and how the person feels about it.
• Respond to feelings. Sometimes the feeling matters more than the facts.
• Note all cues. Tone, hesitation, facial expression, posture, and other nonverbal signals are part of the message.

The Center for Creative Leadership’s guide to active listening techniques describes six practical techniques: pay attention, withhold judgment, reflect, clarify, summarize, and share. The examples below follow that sequence.

1. Pay Attention

Before you say anything, the other person is already reading whether you’re listening. Paying attention means removing distractions, giving the person time to finish, and signaling that you’re following.

What it looks like:

• Putting your phone face down or closing your laptop.
• Facing the person and keeping comfortable eye contact.
• Letting short silences happen instead of jumping in.
• Not finishing their sentences.

Example phrases:

• “Go ahead, I’m listening.”
• “Take your time.”
• “Mm-hmm.” / “Okay.” / “Go on.”

These small encouragers keep the person talking without steering the conversation.

2. Withhold Judgment

People stop sharing the moment they sense they’re being evaluated. Rogers and Farson noted that passing judgment, “whether critical or favorable, makes free expression difficult.” Even quick advice can feel like an attempt to change someone before you understand them.

What to avoid in the first few minutes:

• “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
• “Well, what did you expect?”
• “Here’s what you need to do.”
• “That’s nothing, let me tell you about the time I…”

What to say instead:

• “Tell me more about that.”
• “What happened next?”
• “How did that land for you?”

Withholding judgment doesn’t mean agreeing. It means postponing your view until you understand theirs.

3. Reflect

Reflecting means repeating back the essence of what you heard, in your own words. It shows you understood and gives the person a chance to correct you. There are two main types.

Paraphrasing content. Restate the facts or main point.

• Speaker: “The supplier was late again, so we couldn’t start the install until after lunch, and now we’re behind on two jobs.”
• Listener: “So the late delivery pushed the whole day back, and it’s knocked two jobs off schedule.”

Reflecting feelings. Name the emotion you’re picking up.

• Speaker: “I’ve asked three times for that report and still nothing.”
• Listener: “Sounds like you’re pretty frustrated that it keeps getting pushed back.”

Rogers and Farson give a memorable workplace example: a machinist says he’s “finally finished” with a difficult lathe setup. A foreman who just hands out the next task misses the point. A reply like “Glad to have it over with, huh?” shows he heard the feeling behind the words.

A few starters for reflecting:

• “It sounds like…”
• “So what you’re saying is…”
• “You seem…”
• “If I’m hearing you right…”

Use a tentative tone. “It sounds like you’re worried” invites correction. “You’re worried” can feel like you’re telling them how they feel.

4. Clarify

When something is vague or confusing, ask. Clarifying questions show you care about getting it right, and open-ended questions help the other person think out loud.

Example phrases:

• “Let me make sure I understand. Are you talking about the Thursday deadline or the whole project?”
• “What do you mean by ‘a mess’?”
• “Can you give me an example?”
• “What would a good outcome look like for you?”
• “What have you already tried?”

Open questions (“what,” “how,” “tell me about”) usually work better than closed yes-or-no questions when you want someone to open up. “Why” questions can be useful, but they sometimes sound like an accusation, so use them carefully.

5. Summarize

Summarizing pulls the main points together, usually toward the end of a conversation or before you move from listening to problem solving.

Example:

• “Let me check I’ve got this. The new scheduling app is causing double bookings, customers are calling you directly to sort it out, and you’re spending about an hour a day on it. You’d like us to either fix the app or go back to the old system. Is that right?”

CCL’s guidance suggests ending summaries with a check, such as “Did I get that right?” It confirms understanding and gives the speaker the last word on what they meant.

6. Share

Once the other person feels understood, you can add your perspective, ideas, or suggestions. People are generally more open to new ideas after they’ve been heard.

Example phrases:

• “Thanks for walking me through it. Can I share a thought?”
• “Would it help if I told you what I’ve seen work, or do you want to keep talking it through first?”
• “Here’s one option. What do you think?”

Asking before advising respects the other person’s ownership of the problem. Sometimes they just wanted to be heard.

Active Listening Examples at Work

A team member with a complaint

• Employee: “I’m always the one who gets stuck closing on Saturdays.”
• Manager: “It sounds like the weekend schedule feels unfair to you. How many Saturdays have you closed recently?”

A customer who is upset

• Customer: “This is the second time your crew left the gate open. My dog got out.”
• Business owner: “That must have been really stressful. You’re saying it happened twice now, and the second time your dog got out. Let me make sure we fix this.”

Listening first doesn’t mean admitting fault on every point. It means making sure the customer feels heard before you explain or fix. The same principle shows up in crisis communication, where acknowledging concerns comes before explanations.

During a feedback conversation

When you’re giving feedback and the other person pushes back, active listening is one of the best ways to lower the temperature. “So from your side, the instructions changed halfway through the job” can turn an argument into a problem-solving conversation. See this guide on how to give feedback to someone who is defensive for scripts that combine both skills.

Active Listening Examples at Home

A partner after a hard day

• Partner: “Today was just nonstop. I didn’t even get lunch.”
• You: “That sounds exhausting. What was the worst part?”

A teenager who is upset

• Teen: “Nobody at school gets it.”
• Parent: “Sounds like you’re feeling pretty alone right now. Do you want to talk about what happened, or just hang out for a bit?”

A friend with a decision to make

• Friend: “I don’t know if I should take the new job.”
• You: “What’s pulling you toward it, and what’s holding you back?”

A Simple Practice Exercise

Rogers and Farson suggested a ground rule you can try in your next lively discussion: before either person makes their own point, they must first restate the other person’s previous point, in their own words, accurately enough that the other person agrees. It’s harder than it sounds, and it quickly shows how often we respond to what we assumed someone said.

Another simple practice from CCL’s guidance: set yourself the goal of being able to repeat the last sentence the other person said. It keeps your attention on them instead of on your reply.

Why It’s Worth the Effort

Active listening builds trust, prevents misunderstandings, and makes difficult conversations easier. It’s one of the core interpersonal skills behind good leadership, strong customer relationships, and healthy friendships. It also strengthens emotional intelligence, because you get better at noticing what others feel, not just what they say.

Frequently Asked Questions